I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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