How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
