I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize