My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
