I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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