Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize