Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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