I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
