Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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