God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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