I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
