Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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