Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
