you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
