I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
