Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
