$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize