went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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