Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
