Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
