I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize