Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
