You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
