I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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