Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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