The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize