she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
