So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
