Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
