I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
