Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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