I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
