it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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