Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
