Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
