I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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