we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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