Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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