How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
