I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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