one two three fourrrrnication!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
