You really coming over, don't trick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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