tell your sister to shave her snatch
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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