I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
