This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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