So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
