i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
