So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
