If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
