good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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