i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
