in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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