thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize