I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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