My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
