So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
