Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
bring money and cleavage
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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