i think i have herpe
just one?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
