I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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