Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
