You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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