Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
