Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
