Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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