Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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