how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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