quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
