Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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