So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who died my cat blue again?
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