She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dont even know how to be here
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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