Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
