I accidentally burped into my bong.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
