u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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