i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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