Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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