Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
