She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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