Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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