Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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