If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm having to shit out rocks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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