that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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